May 13, 2016

On May 5, Adrian and I celebrated two years since the day we were married in Vegas. My brother, AJ, performed the ceremony on a wooden deck overlooking Lake Las Vegas--an unexpectedly lovely spot in the back of a strip mall. The wind kept whipping my hair into my mouth...

March 14, 2016

For almost a week, I've been feeding a stray dog that I'm calling Cleo. I first saw Cleo from the bedroom window. She was standing in the middle of a patchy sunlit clearing, an empty lot beside my parents' condo. White with large brown spots, she reminded me of a skinn...

October 5, 2015

Today marks the start of our last week in Maine, and I'm already feeling nostalgic for a trip that hasn't finished. After next week, Maine won't be a dream or a joke or a myth; it'll be a word wrapped tightly around memories of my mom and I building a closeness that we...

September 24, 2015

Maine has a sort of mythology in my family. "You just have to go to Maine!" I can hear my dad saying back when I was in high school, maybe even younger. "I'm telling you. If you go to Maine, you'll write a bestseller."

I don't know where he got that idea. I assume he sa...

September 9, 2015

First, if you haven't met Nanny, read this

Year 1: You have to be careful not to drink too much: at the dive bar after workshop, ordering gin and soda; watching Mad Men with glasses of blueberry juice and vodka; sitting around the wooden breakfast table with friends,...

August 30, 2015

Yesterday, I went to see my brother on the set of Dead Awake, the indie horror movie he's producing and acting in. A whole hospital wing had been closed off for filming, and Caro--AJ's girlfriend--and I had to wait before a walkie-talkie-brandishing crew member ushered...

August 25, 2015

I'll be honest: Until yesterday, I'd started dreading that question. Not that it was coming from all directions, of course, swarms of eager readers hungry for a progress report. It was usually Adrian, asking casually but interestedly over dinner. Or either of my parent...

July 31, 2015

There was a time in college when I told my mother that if I were deadshe'd hear about it,so could she please stop calling all my friends--I was fine, it wasfinalsweek, I had told her about this! She'd been calling me for days, and I'd been either missing her calls or i...

July 30, 2015

Since returning from Hawaii three weeks ago, I've been asked one question more than any other: Are you going to change your name? Family, friends, even Adrian have been curious about whether and when I'll go from Gutierrez to Collins.

After our first wedding in Vegas la...

July 14, 2015

 Photo by Adrian Collins Photography

The diving board of my childhood pool was rough under bare feet and still stiff at the end, though it had borne the weight of countless jumps. The water swallowed me with minimal splash--I was proud of my clean dives. At the bottom o...

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